ngl I only skimmed it, but you need some more historical context, links back to the question / point you are making, and to massively improve your flow between sentences... it is unclear why you are writing a lot of things, and you are presenting your analysis quite basically and without clear...
I did Ancient History accelerated so I'm guessing this will apply more to SOR II than maths advanced, but I thought I'd pop in anyway.
What really helped for me was making sure I was up to date on all my notes. Having all those syllabus dot points out of the way already while everyone was...